Pre-marriage Assessment

Before couples are married we ask that you thoroughly prepare for this life-long relationship. Marriage preparation is not a one day event, but rather a timely process. We ask that all couples complete the pre-marriage assessment used by Harvest Church to better understand your partner before you say "I do!" This assessment is meant for you and your partner to take TOGETHER so take your time, connect with your partner, and go deeper. **Please note that the pre-marriage assessment must be completed before you submit a marriage application.** Thank you! (Estimated time to complete: 60 minutes)

Bride Details

Bride's First Name

Bride's Last Name

Bride's Email

Bride's Phone

Groom Details

Groom's First Name

Groom's Last Name

Groom's Email

Groom's Phone

Relationships with the Family

Your relationship with your partnerʼs parents and family may be one of the most significant relationships in your married life. It is important at the outset of your marriage and in the first years of your marriage to understand these relationships and what blessings and difficulties may be ahead for you and your spouse.

1. List a few character traits or attributes about your partner's parents that you really like. Why do you like these attributes?

2. What kind of involvement do you expect and / or want from your in-laws and their family? Do you like over-involvement (closeness) more than underinvolvement (distance) as a general rule (or visa versa)?

3. How do you feel about your spouse's relationship with his / her parents?

4. What kind of relationship do you think you have with your in-laws? What kind of relationship do you want?

Giving and Receiving Love

Anybody who has been in an intimate relationship will know that people express and receive love in different ways. In this section we will dive deep and uncover the way(s) your partner receives/expresses love. Enjoy!

1. There are five different love languages. What is your primary love language?
Words of affirmation, appreciation, or encouragement
Acts of service
Quality time
Physical touch
Giving/Receiving gifts

Words of affirmation, appreciation, or encouragement
Acts of service
Quality time
Physical touch
Giving/Receiving gifts

2. How do you feel about public expressions of affection? Are there any important “rules” about our public displays of affection that I should know?

3. How do you like best to express love for your partner? Provide several specific examples. How does your partner express love for you? Provide a few examples.

4. How did your parents give and receive love? How about your grandparents or others that were around when you were growing up?

5. Describe the impact on how you love your partner by the way in which your family expressed love.

Personal Communication

There are probably more books written on personal communication in marriage than any other subject (sexual affection may be a close second). Many newly married couples believe that they were communicating effectively during their engagement and early months of marriage. They find that they have been able to plan their wedding, determine where to live, and establish who will do what during the first few months. After several months of marriage they may find that there are a lot more decisions and details to work through than had been anticipated. Therefore, learning to communicate effectively with one another can eliminate many of the stresses that might otherwise arise.

1. How would you like your partner to tell you and show you that you are appreciated?

2. What is the best thing about your present communication?

3. What is most aggravating about your present communication?

4. How would you prefer your partner to request changes in some of the things that you do or say?

5. Some things my future partner does which make it difficult to share myself with him/her are:

6. Some things my future partner does which make it easy to share with him/her are:

7. The way I usually resolve conflict is by:

8. The way my partner usually resolves conflict is by:

9. How do you anticipate forgiveness operating within your marriage? Is forgiveness easy for you to offer? Is offering forgiveness to someone who has hurt you difficult for you?

Conflicting, Fighting, and Being Hurt

This section of the inventory focuses on one aspect of communication — conflict. The importance of this review is to help you identify some of the causes of being hurt and the feelings you experience in fighting or being hurt. But before you get busy, here is our bias on this – we think that conflict is normal (that is, it happens in even the best relationships) and that it can motivate you to change and grow. Hence, conflict is not all bad.

1. When I have been hurt by something my partner has said or done, I (mark as many as apply):
Withdraw from my partner
Do something to hurt him/her
Pretend everything is fine
Drop hints
Wait until he/she initiates forgiveness

Withdraw from my partner
Do something to hurt him/her
Pretend everything is fine
Drop hints
Wait until he/she initiates forgiveness

2. The reason I respond like this is (mark as many as apply):
To clear the air
I feel like I'm not being respected
I feel like I'm not being loved
I want attention
I have a short temper

To clear the air
I feel like I'm not being respected
I feel like I'm not being loved
I want attention
I have a short temper

3. I am most hurt by my partner when he/she (mark as many as apply):
Pays more attention to work than me
Is careless about money
Doesn't listen to me
Goes out too much with friends
Doesn't show me affection

Pays more attention to work than me
Is careless about money
Doesn't listen to me
Goes out too much with friends
Doesn't show me affection

4. The worst things about our disagreements are (mark as many as apply):
Name calling
Bringing up the past
Yelling
We never solve the problem
I always apologize first
I never get an apology

Money and Vocational Expectations

Money and financial planning can cause great stress in marital relationships. According to some research, it is a consistently difficult area for the newly married couple and one of the major problems throughout the marital history. Money habits in the first few years of marriage can carry on throughout the marriage history. Hence, the questions about "money and vocational expectations."

1. Who will manage the financial affairs of your family? Who “should” be the money manager? Why is this so?

2. How would you describe yourself in terms of spending habits?

3. How would you describe your partner in terms of spending habits?

4. How important is owning your own home or apartment one day?

5. Do you have any outstanding debts your partner is unaware of?
Yes
No

Yes
No

6. Does your partner know how much you make?
Yes
No

Yes
No

7. Have you gone over a budget together?
Yes
No

Yes
No

For Those Previously Married

Some couples who come to us for premarital / marital mentoring have been married or lived common law prior to this covenant. There are some particular issues that these couples will need to face. These questions are intended to assist you in talking about some of these issues. **Please skip this section if it does not apply to you**

1. What do you know about your partner's financial situation; including debts, assets, alimony payments, child support and child care expenses?

2. Contact with a former spouse can be upsetting. How does your partner cope with interactions with his / her "ex"? Your "ex"? And your former spouses family – on both sides?

3. What plans do you have regarding legal guardianship, adoption of stepchildren, and / or conception of new children in your marriage?

4. What do you know about the personality and behaviour of your partner's children?

5. How will you integrate them into your new life together? What will your role be with your spouse's children (i.e. discipline)?

Click the link below to pay the marriage application fee of $250. Please note this payment must be submitted in full before the marriage application is submitted.

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